one thing at a time

So after my complete lapse in December, I’ve been trying really hard to rebuild my LleuGarnock buffer. I really pushed to get to the comfortable two-month mark, but after all that work I fell into a slump and lapsed again back to one month.

I’m doing better now, but I still don’t feel like I have energy to spare for anything besides what I’m already doing. We’re getting a little bit of work done for Dragon’s Fall on character designs and stuff, but I can’t actually draw the comic or it’ll snap me right out of LleuGarnock.

If I can get my buffer up to some amazing number, like back to four months, I might consider taking a break to do some more Dragon’s Fall pages. But eventually I’ll have to go back to drawing LleuGarnock, and that might be difficult. So at the moment I’m actually thinking of trying to finish LleuGarnock first, and then I’ll actually be able to focus on Dragon’s Fall.

I know, everyone’s all disappointed, because who knows how long that will take? Well, probably a couple of years. But you know what? Everyone I’ve heard from about Dragon’s Fall likes the art because I take the time to make it really good, and I just don’t have that time right now.

OK, now I have to clear something up about time. I think for a lot of creative people, time doesn’t mean the same thing that it does for other people. Because I actually spend a lot of time sitting around and watching TV, sometimes I feel bad about saying that I’m too busy. But I need that time to let the ideas in my head settle down and stew to perfection.

So I guess what I mean when I say I have no time is that I have no energy. But sometimes when I’m putting together words, time just seems like the more understandable one. If I say I have no energy, people will think there is something wrong with me. They will try to convince me to get more sleep or ask if I am getting enough vitamin B or something.

But energy is not quite the right word either, since when I need to do something I can always summon the energy to do it. The problem is figuring out what I need to do, and organizing it , and conferring with people about what should be done. So when I say I have no time, or I have no energy, what I really mean is I have a limited amount of this substance I keep in my brain that allows me to make decisions.

This limited amount of decision-making ability would be fine if I was just doing little occasional art projects the way I used to, or if I had somebody telling me exactly what to do for most of the day, like when I was in school or working in foodservice. But one major project with hundreds of decisions a day drains me pretty quickly. More leaves me with nothing for my social life.

I’m already pretty spare in my use of decision making energy in my social life, which is okay because people continuously stop by the house and just hang out in an unstructured way. But I feel bad because people who don’t do this, especially relatives, don’t get a lot of my time.

So now that you know the limitations of my brain function, I hope you will excuse any disappointments caused by a lack of comics or a lack of me calling wanting to hang out. Okay, I’ll draw some comics now. Bye!


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